Tuesday, December 18, 2012

12/17/12 RAW (Slammy Awards)

Rey Mysterio vs. Damien Sandow: *1/2

Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres: 1/4*

Kofi Kingston vs. Tensai: N/A

Great Khali vs. David Otunga: N/A (ugh)

Brodus Clay vs. JTG: N/A (squash)

Cody Rhodes vs. Sin Cara: *

Alberto Del Rio, Miz, & Tommy Dreamer vs. Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, & Drew McIntyre: **

Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro: N/A

John Cena & Vickie Guerrero vs. Dolph Ziggler & AJ Lee: 3/4*

We're in Philly tonight!

NOTE: commercial-free live Smackdown tonight (Tuesday)! Three-man broadcast team tonight with Cole, Lawler, and JBL. WWE Universe decides who wins a Slammy, but you gotta have a smartphone and use the WWE app. Guess I couldn't have participated anyway.

Mysterio starts the show; Sin Cara accompanies him to the ring. Sandow just gets a mention in the ring. Cody's at ringside as well. Decent, albeit short, match with Mysterio hitting the 619 and dropping the dime for three.

Booker T out to present the first Slammy. Nice tux. Fittingly presenting the "Tell Me I Didn't Just See That?!" award (most shocking moment of the year). Nominees are Maddox's low blow to Ryback, the 18-second World Title match, Kofi's handstand to stave off Royal Rumble elimination (amazing), and Punk attacking Rock on the 1000th RAW. OH YES IT'S THE BOOGEYMAN! Priceless face from Booker. Maddox comes out prematurely, thinking he's gonna win, but Booker announces Kofi as the winner. Short speech from Kofi.

Eve and Kaitlyn already in the ring for a match. Short match again. Kaitlyn doesn't hit her gutbuster finisher well but gets the three. Guess it's a way for Kaitlyn to remain somewhat relevant without actually winning the title. Wouldn't call it a huge upset, though. Kaitlyn mocks the photo posing Eve recently did.

"Comeback of the Year" Slammy Award. HI NEW AGE OUTLAWS! Billy Gunn reads from his hand. Ha. Nominees are Brock Lesnar, Chris Jericho, DX, and Jerry Lawler. Guess Rock wasn't nominated for this, huh? In a feel-good story, Lawler wins. Of course, this award was for Lawler returning from a serious heart attack. Awesome to see Lawler running to get his Slammy.

Kofi faces Tensai next. Tensai only gets a mention in the ring. Basically, I went to use the bathroom and came back to find Kofi already won with Trouble in Paradise. Oops. Wade Barrett attacks Kofi after the match. Guess we'll see another IC Title match soon. Kofi whipped into the post, then a Bullhammer.

Vickie Guerrero presenting the next Slammy for "Kiss of the Year." Or should I say it's the "AJ Kiss of the Year." Nominees are AJ & Daniel Bryan; AJ & Kane; AJ & CM Punk; and AJ & John Cena. AJ basically wins no matter what, which is why Vickie was presenting. Vickie of course does the whole "I would never do this stuff" speech, and one could have only hoped for Edge to show up at that point. Anyway, Cena wins again because he's John Cena. AJ comes out and says she doesn't owe anyone an explanation for her actions at TLC. Vickie calls AJ a piece of trash. Ziggler comes out. LIPLOCK BETWEEN AJ AND ZIGGLER. YES YES YES. Ziggler really loves this moment. AJ wins the internet.

Khali and Otunga next. Natalya loves seeing this carnage. Wait, Khali can tweet? Guess he can't mess his knees up that way. Khali wins with that overhand shot to Otunga's head. Next!

Next award is "Superstar of the Year." DID I HEAR FLAIR'S VOICE?! Nominees are Sheamus, Cena, Punk, and Big Show. YES, IT'S RIC FLAIR! WOOOOO! Because the WWE Universe is voting, no surprise Cena wins for the third time. Crowd reacts big time. Class move by Cena to say Flair is the real Superstar of the Year. Punk enters, calls the fans stupid, lists all of Cena's main losses, and delivers a horrid "WOOO." Punk says he can beat Flair with one leg. Flair rips the coat off and marches to the ring. Punk gets in the ring and delivers crutch shots. Flair thumb to the eye. FIGURE FOUR TO THE WALRUS (Heyman)!

Flair promo in the ring. Shield comes out. Abrupt commercial break again?! Daniel Bryan and Kane came out during the break to help Flair. Team Hell No taken out, then Shield focuses back on Flair. Reigns readies the announce table. Ryback comes out to save the day. BIG pop for Ryback. Brawl's back on. Rollins again eats an announce table. All four babyfaces celebrate in the ring. Flair hoisted on Kane and Ryback's shoulders.

Flair, DB, and Kane in a "WOOOO NO YES" war. RON SIMMONS! DAMN! Win.

Brodus Clay in the ring. JTG's still employed. JTG basically botched the only real move he had (although Brodus didn't help matters). Brodus wins in less than two minutes.

Santino and Tensai present "LOL Moment of the Year" award. Tensai sporting a bandage and ice pack on his head from his Kofi match earlier. HA, Santino called him Albert! LOL, FAT ALBERT! Nominees are Rock (John Cena dissing), Team Hell No (anger management segments), Randy Orton (sending Striker into the pie), and Vickie Guerrero (dancing). Rock wins but of course he's not there. DB comes out with the "NO NO NO." Kane literally carries him away to the back.

Cody Rhodes and Sin Cara in the ring already. Still don't understand the Sin Cara lights. Announcers mention Sin Cara's leg getting worked on at TLC, yet Sin Cara flies like nothing ever happened. Logic! Sandow and Mysterio are also out there. Cody wins with Cross Rhodes.

Zack Ryder and Layla present the "Trending Now Hashtag of the Year" award. Gotta love Twitter. Nominees are #FeedMeMore (Ryback), #PeoplePower (Laurinaitis), #LittleJimmy (R-Truth), and #WWWYKI (Zack Ryder). Ryback wins and Ryder will give it to him in the back.

Big Show comes out with his big chair. Sheamus comes out to be the bigger man and shake Show's hand. Hey, an actual handshake! Show with words for Sheamus, so Sheamus takes down Show, then wallops the giant with the big chair. Brogue Kick to finish. Oh great, we're having another match in the future, me thinks.

Ziggler comes down to cash MITB! Cena comes down to attack Ziggler. Bell never rang so Ziggler still has the briefcase. Ziggler is irate that Cena cost him the chance to become champ again and takes it out on Vickie. Business relationship between Ziggler and Vickie is officially over (finally). So now, Vickie books a match: Dolph and AJ Lee vs. Cena and...Vickie?!?! Wouldn't have imagined that a few weeks ago.

Six-man tag match. 3MB comes out. Alberto and Ricardo are faces now, I guess, but fans still seemingly on the fence. Del Rio's and Miz's tag partner tonight is TOMMY DREAMER, WOOOOOO! Dreamer's still got the skills. Miz worked over for a few minutes, but eventually the hot tag to ADR. ADR with a superkick KO shot to Slater, but Jinder breaks that up. ADR sets Slater up for the cross armbreaker, but Dreamer wants in. Much like Brooklyn Brawler at TLC, Dreamer gets the win here with his signature DDT.

Sheamus comes out to present the Slammy for "Newcomer of the Year." Fitting that a former winner crowns a new winner. Nominees are Antonio Cesaro, Brodus Clay, Damien Sandow, and Ryback. Ryback wins, again no surprise. Ryback quotes Owen Hart: "Enough is enough, and it's time for a change." Instant win for that. Ryback is a multi-time Slammy winner in his first year for this gimmick. Much better than Skip Sheffield.

Ryback in action against another newcomer nominee, Cesaro. "GOLDBERG" chants again. Not much of a match here. Cesaro avoids the meathook and bails. Ryback wins by countout. Waste of my time.

Hall of Famers (Mean Gene Okerlund, Ricky Steamboat, and Jim Ross) come out to present the next award. Fittingly, it's for "Match of the Year." Nominees are Taker/HHH (WM 28), Lesnar/Cena (Extreme Rules), Show/Sheamus (Hell in a Cell), and Rock/Cena (WM 28). Winner is Taker/HHH, and I agree.

HHH -- remember, he has short hair now -- comes out to accept the award. Funny he mentions the Slammy in circa 1997 for Best Hair. Fans want Taker. HHH assures we haven't seen the last of the Dead Man. So we can basically book Taker in a Mania match now. Odds are it'll be Punk or Cena as the opponent.

Shield attacks Tommy Dreamer backstage. It's the Shield's house now. Ricardo then gets assaulted.

Main event mixed tag ends the show. Seems funny now that it's become AJ and Ziggler paired together against Cena and Vickie. Two guys put a big ladder in the middle of the ring. AJ climbs to the top for a promo. She kept getting asked "why?" for the last 24 hours. Before she can give her explanation, Vickie comes out.

Match is what you'd expect this to be: not great. AJ walks out of the match early and Vickie follows suit, so it turns into a singles match again for about 90 seconds. Cena gets Ziggler in the STF.

WTF...BIG E LANGSTON?! This guy is just as bad as Eli Cottonwood on the mic. AJ leads Langston to the ring. Big E hits his finisher on Cena, which I admit looks cool. Ref throws the match out. AJ skips around the ring as usual. AJ really gets around with the guys, doesn't she? Oh wait, that sounded very wrong. I still adore her. End show.

Not a great night for wrestling. Nice to see the cameos of Flair, Ron Simmons, and Boogeyman. Big E Langston was a huge head-scratcher for me. Langston just may have the look to be a star, but I guess if someone talks for him, it'll be OK.

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