Tuesday, June 5, 2012

6/4/12 RAW

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler: **1/4

Sin Cara vs. Hunico: *3/4

Ryback vs. Stan Stansky & Arthur Rosenberg: N/A (mega squash)

Kane vs. CM Punk: ***

Kofi Kingston & R-Truth vs. Curt Hawkins & Tyler Reks: *1/2

John Cena vs. Tensai: *1/4

John Cena vs. Michael Cole: N/A

Cole in the ring to start the show; he interviews Cena. Well, more like attacking Cena. He calls Cena overrated? Where has he been the last few years, when people in the IWC were shouting that left and right? Show isn't here, and Laurinaitis has officially retired from singles competition. Cena can pick anyone else, so he naturally picks Cole. Cole tries to get out of his match, but not tonight. Oh yeah, this will be just lovely.

Oh good grief, now Ziggler gyrates on his way to the ring. Ziggler shows his agility and Sheamus shows his power. Vickie the usual wild card during the match. I wish Ziggler would actually defeat more people with that Rocker Dropper so people would actually believe he has a shot to finish someone with that. Not as good as their Smackdown match, but still very good. Ricardo and Alberto jump Sheamus on the stage. ADR putting a hurt on Sheamus before No Way Out. Naturally, Cole says Alberto made a statement.

Long has to fetch Eve and Johnny coffee, yet Otunga always seems to have coffee of his own. David coulda gotten his buddies some, too. But nope.

Vince McMahon on next week's RAW? It's supposedly three hours. Don't think we have a draft or anything. Maybe Vince is real desperate for ratings to get his ass back on TV? Reason is Laurinaitis job performance evaluation.

Sin Cara is on RAW. He faces Hunico (remember Sin Cara Negro?) again. They should know each other well. Camacho looks mesmerized seeing all that flying around. Very fast pace here. Camacho gets taken out, and Sin Cara again with that tilt-a-whirl finisher for three. A short, fun match.

They got a countdown for RAW's 1000th show. They showed Cena's jump to RAW in the June 2005 WWE Draft.

Ryback's now being pushed to the moon. He's on RAW to nuke two more scrawny indy guys. Those jobbers got on the mic for some real bad rap. At least they clearly rehearsed that a lot. Read that Vince wants to push Ryback like how WCW did Goldberg. Well, I'd rather have Ryback nuke some real WWE superstar talent, thanks. Eventually, "RY-BACK" and "FEED ME MORE" will be chanted in arenas and all over WWE-made shirts.

Punk and Kane next, rematch from Smackdown. Cole on the phone with Laurinaitis. Oh, it's Daniel Bryan! YESYESYES. I at least agree AJ has gone delusional -- and I love it. DB stays at ringside for the match, where "there must be a winner." Very good counters here, lengthy match. DB gets a couple kicks in, but I coulda sworn the ref may have seen the second blow. But this is WWE, and that doesn't matter. AJ comes down and distracts the ref. DB doesn't like it. Punk takes Bryan out and here we go with that one. Punk back in the ring, and Kane chokeslams Punk for three. Love it.

AJ gives a smile to Kane and the monster bolts. Huh? Well, at least it's consistent if AJ also likes crazy guys. Josh Mathews might not like aggressive women. I do...

Team BoomJimmys face the NXT security guys (Hawkins and Reks). Truth and Kingston still selling Big Show beatdown last week. Adrenaline must be masking any pain, right? BoomJimmys with the win here. Cole calls it gutsy. I hope AW pulls the trigger on that tag title rematch soon for Primo/Epico.

Another flashback for the 1000th RAW: HHH returning at Madison Square Garden after his first quad tear (January 2002).

Cena comes out for his match. Laurinaitis says it will be a No DQ match and will take place -- if Cena beats Tensai first. I still don't get why Tensai shoves Sakamoto (his worshiper). Cena tries a comeback and Sakamoto gets involved with kicks. Cole talks trash with Cena down. Cena gets the real comeback this time and pins Tensai with the AA. Poor Tensai. I really wanted him to come in and make an impact, but WWE basically pulled the plug on the push.

Now Cole has to face Cena. Cole tries to run away but Cena gets him in the stands. Cole plays the coward. Where's Tony Atlas when you need him? Cole grew a sack, and then got his ass kicked.

NO, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO STRIP COLE DOWN TO HIS UNDERWEAR?!?! I wish he wore dark brown. Lots of Big Show-like slaps. Apologies to Lawler, Jim Ross, and J.R.'s BBQ sauce. Oh, King has some BBQ sauce! Cole gets doused. Fire extinguisher.

Tensai's back for that two-handed sitdown chokeslam! Oh, right, we still have a match! Cole scampers for the cover -- and gets two. So much for any Tensai push now. Cole picks up the fire extinguisher. Does he know how to handle one of those? No matter. Cena AA for three.

Big Show was pretty much in a video package and stuff this week. He'll be back for the three-hour RAW anyway. Perhaps he'll even be on Smackdown.

BTW, I've had that BBQ sauce. It's amazing stuff.

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