Tuesday, April 24, 2012

4/23/12 RAW (3 hours)

Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston: ***

Lord Tensai vs. R-Truth: N/A (squash)

Big Show & Great Khali vs. Alberto Del Rio & Cody Rhodes: *1/2

Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix (Lumberjill; Divas Title): *

Mark Henry vs. Sheamus: N/A

Santino Marella & Zack Ryder vs. Primo & Epico: *1/4

Brodus Clay & Hornswoggle vs. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger: DUD

Long starts off with the contract signing. He mixes up Cena's title credentials. Crowd loves Cena. Long then introduces Lesnar, but Laurinaitis comes out. More scolding to Long. Possibly Cena's last night on RAW? I guess we'll get more about that later.

"You think you know me..." WTF?! EDGE?! Huge ovation for the 2012 Hall of Famer. He acknowledges that his contract's legitimately expiring in a few days. Edge talks to Cena to basically pump him up. WAKE UP, CENA. Edge tells Cena to beat Lesnar.

Jericho out for a match against Kofi. Kofi is a house of fire early on. Huge somersault plancha over the top from Kingston. That guy has major leaping ability, no question about it. Fairly fast-paced stuff. Very competitive match and a lively crowd. Signature moves all over the place. Crossbody to a hunched-over Jericho, then a Boomdrop? That's new combo. Springboard from Kofi...into a Codebreaker. Sweet. VINTAGE LION TAMER! Now this was great stuff that warrants three stars. Not much downtime and several big spots.

Jericho on the mic post-match, vowing to become the new WWE champ. More Punk bashing. Jericho with a gift for Punk later tonight.

Video package showing Lesnar's debut match against Jeff Hardy. Dominance.

Eve and Laurinaitis. Eve is the new executive administrator. Johnny wants a hug. Not for you! But here's a handshake!

So Jericho's gift to Punk was a liquor basket. Josh Mathews is the big winner in all of this!

Lord Tensai video from last week. Vintage green mist to Cena in that one. This week, R-Truth looks like he's the newest victim.

Extreme Rules this coming Sunday in Chicago. I'd think Punk and Jericho will deliver another four-star match. Something tells me Jericho could be winning, since hometown heroes generally don't fare well. Not sure what to expect from Lesnar and Cena. ROFL, "YES!" chants when Tensai headbutts Truth. "LORD TENSAI...ICHIBAN!" Even I know that one. Green mist into hands, claw hold, Truth out. Squash match here.

Kane promo on Orton, basically saying Orton is scared of the nightmare that Kane has become. It's a Falls Count Anywhere match at Extreme Rules. ORTON HAS PAUL BEARER! That got a nice pop. Orton locks Bearer in what appears to be a walk-in freezer. Kane isn't saving Paul tonight.

Here comes Orton! Fight! Woohoo! Orton uses the lead pipe from last week on Kane. The monster retreats through the crowd.

A-Ry tells Jericho he saw Punk drinking out of the liquor basket. They sneak to the locker room. Punk's on the phone and drinking out of a red cup, the bottle of Jack (which he kept) right beside it. Nice segment.

Alberto Del Rio and Cody Rhodes are a tag team tonight against Khali and Big Show. Khali's knees still suck. He takes out Cody's leg with basic stuff. Alberto doesn't have much luck, either. Cody with a low bridge takes Big Show over the top. Cody attacks Show on the outside, but the big man gets back in at nine. Cody and ADR make quick tags and isolate Show. Cody with the figure four to Big Show! Show gets out and starts a comeback. ADR gets slapped. Cody wants a tag, but ADR refuses. Cody is left to be thrown to the wolves. Show chokeslam ends things. Khali actually gets a win for a change!

Wow, Stone Cold must be glad he wasn't a part of this new Wellness Policy. No drinking within a 12-hour period of a WWE event? Ouch. I assume that only applies to the 12 hours before the show. Laurinaitis wants credible proof. Field sobriety test later tonight, and Teddy Long is conducting it. Vintage JR reference from Johnny!

Josh Mathews wants comments from Lesnar. Brock looks out of it. Has he been drinking? Lesnar takes out Josh. If it meant getting a fat paycheck, I'd go on camera in a heartbeat and take my three-second beating. Vintage stretcher spot for an announcer! Hey, Cole's defending the announcers for a change!

Nikki Bella set for action. Divas Title match against Beth. Eve comes out and makes it a Lumberjill match. Can't complain about that.

Unreal, "Josh Mathews" is trending worldwide.

Beth shows her power against Nikki. Pretty decent match involving divas. Nikki to the outside. Beth jumps down off the apron and looks like her left leg buckled. WTF, why are the other divas NOT doing anything? I guess they really don't want to piss Beth off. Beth's in real pain, folks. Brie initiates an all-out assault, probably to inform the other divas what really happened. They get Beth and Nikki in the ring. Beth still in enormous pain, fighting back the tears. Quick rollup for three ends it. Such a shame for Beth to lose the title that way. No telling how long Glamazon could be out. Beth tells the trainer that she just jumped down and her leg twisted.

I don't think a title change was supposed to occur. If so, Nikki could be a transitional champ. This, of course, assumes the Bellas didn't re-sign with the company. The last I checked, they were still on their way out at the end of the month.

EDIT: Beth injury was a work. Certainly fooled me. Outstanding selling.

Punk goes on a "drunken" rampage in front of Teddy Long. Awesome.

Time for the field sobreity test. Jericho also in the ring for this one. Long says if Punk fails the test, he is stripped of the title and subject to further discipline. Punk comes down to the ring rather gingerly.

First, let's recite the alphabet backwards! Hell, I can't even do that without thinking, even when sober. Punk agrees with me! Stupid stupid stupid! OK, now let's walk that red line. The line's never there! Punk rules. Fails to walk the line properly. Officer said Punk's intoxicated. Long requests the title. Punk hesitates, but hands it over. Punk then wants another shot to pass the test. Punk still mixed the "S" and "T" up, but he walks the line as well. VINTAGE Flair! Attack! This was outstanding.

Another Lesnar video of him beating Hulk Hogan in August 2002.

Sheamus and Henry next. YES YES YES! DANIEL BRYAN IS THE REF! Remember, if Sheamus touches an official, he gets fired. Nice work. Is this one of the only times the fans have cheered a ref more then the two guys wrestling in the match? DB keeps taunting Sheamus. Henry runs Sheamus over. DB with the fast three count. Not rating it.

DB throws the ref shirt at Sheamus. Um, Daniel, the match is over. Sheamus wants to kick your ass. And he gets some. Brogue Kick to Henry but DB gets Sheamus down and it's YES Lock time. Note, Sheamus didn't tap the whole time, but passed out.

Epico and Primo face Ryder and Santino. Oh, Sanitno faces Miz in a U.S. title match BEFORE Extreme Rules. Way to devalue the title, fellas. Ryder in control early, then cousins get advantage through distractions. Santino gets in. He no-sells a dropkick and cobra strikes for three. I guess they get a tag title shot? Maybe?

Kane goes to that walk-in freezer. Saving Paul Bearer? Yup...from Kane. Back to the freezer! Got a good kick out of that one.

AW possibly recruiting Primo and Epico. I like where this is going. Perhaps a new stable?

Apparently Taco Bell sponsors this match that has Brodus and Hornswoggle. What the heck was Vickie wearing?! Looks like she went through the tye-dye machine.

Hornswoggle should NEVER wear a singlet again. Dammit. Brodus gets a tag and goes to town. Vickie in the ring and slaps Brodus for a DQ. Cameron and Naomi in the ring. Uh oh. Vickie wants a timeout. No timeout for you! Hornswoggle bites Vickie's rear. I too can't believe we sat through that.

Hey, it's Lesnar and Angle from WM 19! Note they left out when Brock landed on his head from that shooting star.

Now it's time for the contract signing. Laurinaitis out first and introduces Lesnar. Cena music, but no Cena. Mixed Cena chants again. Oh, Cena is now "Little Johnny." Brock's got some business to discuss with Laurinaitis. Lesnar's got a few "small" requests before he signs the contract.

Brock is not a naive little farmboy anymore, that's for sure:

(1) Anything about Lesnar must be OK'd by Lesnar
(2) Vince's private jet to get him to RAW!
(3) No stupid people
(4) Brock does what he wants, when he wants
(5) No huge fines for beating up refs! Brock gets more money instead!

Last one is the best of all: "Monday Night RAW...starring Brock Lesnar!" YES! YES! YES!

Brock's got Laurinaitis on a string. Awesome heel heat. I probably missed stuff. But I love it. Brock signs the contract.

Oh, here comes Cena! OH SNAP HE'S GOT THE CHAIN! He wraps it around his right hand. Crowd's going nuts. Since Cena writes left handed, he can sign with the chain still in his right hand. Cena hesitates. Brock says Cena's scared. Cena signs quickly. Nice staredown and fight tease before Brock leaves. Maybe now WWE will get more PPV buys.

Brock must have gotten some major clout over his contract. His own sponsored stuff, lots of attitude on the promos, etc. Anything really to get back some "attitude" feel to the WWE. It may be PG, but when Lesnar's around, it can encroach on TV-14. Great job.

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