Tuesday, July 3, 2012

7/2/12 RAW

Christian, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, & Santino Marella vs. Cody Rhodes, David Otunga, Titus O'Neil, & Darren Young: *

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio: N/A

Dolph Ziggler & Vickie Guerrero vs. Sheamus & AJ: *

Heath Slater vs. Doink: DUD

Big Show vs. Kane (No DQ): *1/4

Tyson Kidd vs. Tensai: N/A

CM Punk & John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan & Chris Jericho: **3/4

We're in Laredo, TX. Teddy Long runs RAW and Smackdown this week. Tag match with four main eventers can't be bad, right?

Cena starts the show, since ratings are important. The ol' spiel about him getting the briefcase and becoming WWE champ. Daniel Bryan screams "YES!" all the way down. DB says he'll defeat Punk at MITB to become WWE champ. No music for Punk, either. More "YES!" stuff. Punk/Cena? Bryan/Cena? Sounds like a situation where I couldn't lose. Jericho has something to say about that, and hey, he gets entrance music! More vintage Jericho catchprhases. Daring people to tell Jericho he won't win MITB...dare to tell him "otherwise." Cue Kane pyros. Kane says otherwise. Amusing. Big Show comes out. Cena wants to fight, DB attacks, and all hell breaks loose. Show stands tall again. Good segment to again remind people that Show's a threat.

The Did You Know? deal just makes me feel old. Especially when they mention Justin Bieber wasn't even born yet when RAW premiered. Charlie Sheen on RAW's 1000th show.

Eight-man tag match starts the show so we can at least get these side feuds some airtime. Amused Santino used a stunner on his hot tag. AW pulls Titus and Darren out of the match, way to leave your teammates hangin'. Then Cody does the same, so Otunga's all alone. Sucks to be the guy with too much body oil. Brodus comes out to make sure Otunga doesn't go anywhere. Cobra gets three. Face team celebrates, and they squash Otunga like a bug. Yup, Brodus splashed the hell out of Otunga.

Stephanie McMahon picks an awesome moment where Vince is pretty much training like Rocky, even running in the snow, while Shane's on the megaphone barking orders. Ah, the good ol' days of real non-wrestling entertainment. "I hate Austin! I hate Austin!"

Alberto gets his World title match against Sheamus at MITB. Teddy Long's unveiling a surprise opponent for ADR tonight, though. Hey, it's Sin Cara! This should be good, I hope.

And so much for that. Sin Cara slides under the ring, right into an ADR knee. ADR with a lot of stomps. Cross armbreaker on the outside. Match didn't even start. What a shame.

DB gives AJ a fake rose. AJ bites the flower off. Mentally unstable!

Super Smackdown is LIVE on Tuesday, promoted as the Great American Bash. So that name basically goes from a big WCW PPV to a live TV show. At least it's still relevant, I guess.

Paul Heyman says Lesnar will announce his decision at the 1000th RAW on July 23. Great move for ratings. Great Heyman promo as always to build the match. You know Lesnar's accepting. It's just a matter of what stipulations get affixed to this.

Mixed tag with Sheamus/AJ against Dolph/Vickie. AJ's unbalanced, and I'm so cool with that. Sheamus lines up for the Brogue Kick, so Dolph tags Vickie in. Yay, AJ's now legal. Brogue Kick for Dolph anyway. One Shining Wizard later, AJ pins Vickie. Match served its purpose, I guess. AJ shouts "YES" all the way to the back.

Aw, Punk didn't see AJ's match. It's called multitasking, Punk!

Oh no. Slater's out again. He's not a clown. But Doink is! Oh shoot me. Doink gets basically zero reaction. The kids weren't born yet, doofus! Doink wrestles in his jacket. WAIT WTF SLATER WON?! Thank you for being a short match.

DDP WTF. He looks great, thanks to all that yoga. Nice handshake, some Self High Five, and a Diamond Cutter. Sounds about right.

No Holds Barred stuff with Hulk Hogan and Zeus. Hogan's still getting the WWE love, even if he's working for TNA.

Show and Kane in a No DQ match. So I guess now there's also no countout as the big guys brawl on the outside. Show brings a chair into the match. Show spears Kane into that chair, and Show likely injured his left shoulder there. Quick Big Show chokeslam ends it.

Eve's back after she was off filming stuff for TV. Teddy's got a name tag for her. She then goes to AJ. AJ's getting attention later. She's got mine.

DX invaded WCW that long ago? Alberto Del Rio remembers.

Tyson Kidd gets more airtime on RAW! Opponent tonight is that angry Tensai character. Tensai with some basic moves, then runs into the corner and meets the turnbuckles. Kidd with a rollup for three. Let's start Tensai beating the crap out of Sakamoto again. Tensai busted himself open a little in the process. Has it really been two years since Kidd won a match on RAW?

Jericho and DB in the back. Love how Jericho pokes fun a bit at DB's beard. Remember when Jericho had that beard thing going back in the day?YES! EEEEEEVVER AGAIN! YES! AGAIN!

Tensai ambushes Kidd in the locker room. They still have those rooms for WWE backstage segments?

Cole remembers that Pipebomb promo Punk did a year ago that changed Punk's career in WWE. Still love that promo to this day. Cena pretty much no-sells Jericho's shoulderblock, how surprising. WWE really likes to tout Jericho's undisputed title reign with beating Rock and Austin in one night. Mexican fans in the crowd with the "SI!" chants. Punk with the hot tag here and he goes to town on DB. Jericho and Cena fight to the back. Lots of DB kicks. This is wrestling! Huge Punk superplex gets two.

And it's AJ skipping around the ring! Neither guy cares, so AJ up on the apron. Double crossbody KO spot. in the ring. AJ looks under the ring and gets a table. Woohoo table! The unbalanced one knows how to set that table up, that's for sure. She eyes that table. Top rope! Yeah, go jump!

DB says no, don't jump. Fans are saying "SI!" and "YES!" Punk says don't jump. AJ with a liplock on Punk. Punk pushed into DB and the two guys both go through the table. AJ laughs. Lots of "YES!" and "SI!" chants again. Can I have Punk's spot next time this happens?

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