Tuesday, July 10, 2012

7/9/12 RAW

Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger: N/A (squash)

Dolph Ziggler & Tensai vs. Christian & Tyson Kidd: N/A (virtual squash)

Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre: N/A (squash...this is getting old)

John Cena & Kane vs. Chris Jericho & Big Show: **

Sin Cara vs. Heath Slater: *

Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler: N/A (I lost brain cells)

CM Punk & AJ vs. Daniel Bryan & Eve Torres: 1/2*

Nice to see WWE back in the Pepsi Center. Still remember a year or two ago when they had that whole scheduling snafu between WWE and the NBA playoffs.

NOTE: Read that Bobby Lashley attended both RAW and Smackdown, since he's from nearby Colorado Springs. Probably visiting friends or something.

Video package for AJ, Punk, and Bryan. Yesyesyes?

YES. AJ starts the show. She calls Punk to the ring. Fans say AJ is crazy (woohoo!). AJ's basically all woo-woo for Punk. AJ down to one knee to propose?!?! WTF. Fans say "DON'T SAY NO!, then YES YES YES!" Daniel Bryan sprints down with "NO NO NO!" DB calls Punk's bluff, really. And WTF DB proposes?! Where's your ring, Daniel?! *familiar flights flickering and blinky noises* DAMMIT WHY THE HELL? Anonymous RAW GM so we have to listen to Cole even more. Mixed tag for the main event! Punk/AJ vs. Bryan/Eve. YES YES YES. AJ says she's walking out at the end of the night with her future husband.

OK, that was both great and bad. I'm still confused, I'm pissed the anonymous RAW GM's back for the night (luckily Zack Ryder runs Smackdown this week), and I'm sure DB is walking out of MITB as champion. At least the last part would be a YESYESYES.

Sheamus faces Swagger. Jack gets only a mention in the ring. Cole says it's a "rough patch." It's a freakin' losing streak, dammit. Not sure if it's one of those MVP losing streaks or if Jack's being jobbed out of the company. One minute later, Sheamus wins via Brogue Kick.

Alberto honks the horn in his car for some fighting words, then drives away. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Swagger again. Exclamation point.

Santino searching for the anonymous RAW GM. Seriously?! Lame.

Rock's gonna be live on the 1000th RAW episode. Woohoo, they're stacking the deck here!

Tag match now between four guys in the World Heavyweight Title MITB ladder match. Sakamoto with the interference. Ziggler distracts Christian. Tensai gets his senton splash and the three-count. Another short match. Ugh. Tensai nukes Kidd on the outside. Powerbomb to the ring apron, ouch. At least Tensai looked strong this week.

Cole and Lawler bicker over who will be permanent GM. Cole knocks a drink on Lawler. Anonymous RAW GM chimes in, pretty much literally. Cole refuses to read it, so Lawler does. Why? Because now we have Lawler vs. Cole. WHY?!?! So the crowd loves it. Why the hell would I want two announcers in the ring to wrestle? Really? Just have Lawler punch Cole out and that's it. Please.

Brodus comes out for a match against Drew McIntyre, and Drew only gets a mere mention. Guess we know who's going over. Drew jumps into a headbutt, and a Brodus splash ends it. I think I lost brain cells.

Jericho and Santino make faces. JeriShow memories. Show doesn't care for that stuff.

Steph and HHH memories in 2002. You know, the whole renewing wedding vows, fake pregnancy news, and HHH eventually finding out? Yup, at least it was entertaining! Oh, well I dunno if Linda McMahon wants any of this press, though. But seeing Steph angry was pretty awesome.

It's Cena time. Yay promo time, then tag match. Kane's been in five previous MITB matches? Didn't realize that. Pace slows when Show and/or Kane is in the ring. Cena tries to slam Show and Show "falls" on Cena for two. At least Show protected the poster boy of the company, unlike poor Wade Barrett. Kane with hot tag and he gets shots in on Show. Huge spear by Show for two. Why does Lawler say he couldn't believe anyone could kick out of one of those spears when people have? Cena with the hot tag and his usual five moves of doom. Cena with AA on Jericho. Show pulls Cena off...and the REF CALLS FOR THE BELL?!?! WTF. SHOW'S A PART OF THE MATCH, FOOL. Who the hell booked that finish? Horrible job that made ZERO sense. That stuff happens just about all the time in tag matches.

Show gets two ladders. What, no reinforced huge ladder for Big Show? Cena saves the day. Whoopee. At least this match really got a bunch of time, considering we had four main eventers here.

Eve with some words for Punk. Punk overshadowed by a 90-pound girl? Yeah, I agree. AJ's become the puppetmaster in this whole storyline. Think of it as AJ virtually stealing Maxine's gimmick, but in AJ's own "mentally unstable" way.

No, Khali is not the RAW GM. I had no clue what the hell that was.

MITB PPV pre-show match: tag title match between Boom Jimmys and Hunico/Camacho. Champs will probably retain.

More MITB qualifying for the World Heavyweight Title. So we got more participants coming. Sin Cara was an obvious choice to win over Heath Slater. Typical Sin Cara style. Let's just hope Sin Cara doesn't blow his knee out on this stuff again.

Meanwhile, Slater complains and calls out any former world champ. BOB BACKLUND? Hey, the guy never ages! He's 62, and looks like maybe 40? Unfortunately, only a few pops because the kids have no freakin' clue who he is. Backlund is still mentally unstable himself. Crossface chicken wing applied. Slater taps. It wasn't a match anyway. Thank you, Mr. Backlund.

Poll revealed, and yes, Cole and Lawler have a match. Good grief, I hope it's short. Booker and Josh Mathews on commentary while Cole and Lawler are in the ring. Airplane spin ends it. At least it was sorta quick. Anonymous RAW GM "reverses" the decision because Booker interfered. Who cares.

We find out Hornswoggle's the "anonymous RAW GM." Well that was just crappy again. At least that whole deal's over before we get a new permanent GM.

Hey, I guess Eve may get some hometown cheers because we're in Denver, right? Nope, because Justin Roberts smartly neglected to mention that in her entrance. Ha, note Punk and Bryan re-did the end to the UFC fight between Silva and Sonnen (Punk missed spinning back first and stumbled, and DB knee strike). WWE's interested in Sonnen, as a note.

AJ and Eve in the ring. Eve wants to tag out, but DB refuses. AJ rolls Eve up for three. Well, I guess that was DB's way to win AJ over. Poor Eve. It's that whole thing about being in your hometown or home state.

Punk rejects AJ's earlier marriage proposal. AJ slaps Punk. DB says "come home!" with open arms. AJ slaps Bryan. AJ with a bunch of "YES" chants and leaves on her own. Sounds about right. I think DB should pull it out on Sunday. Punk's had a long reign. But honestly, they could very well hold off and have Punk retain again. I really don't care either way. Feels like a double win.

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